Have you ever heard of the saying “losing a friend is harder than a heart break”?

Let me acknowledge first, I 110% know walking away was absolutely best for my family and I. With that being said, it was also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done 😪

Coming to the realization a very close long time friend and I aren’t on the same page has taken a toll on my mental health. I bend over backwards for those I love. I realized with this person that I dont get the same in return. Was there ever a point where I did? I like to believe so, but I’m not really sure anymore. I told her EVERYTHING. Come to find out, I knew nothing about her. Then I got to thinking, wow there’s so much more I was blind to. I’m not sure how I didn’t see it sooner.

Right now I’ve just silently removed myself, I feel that’s just easier. But man has it been hard not to reach out, but even harder to finish removing myself. I tried to just silently take a backseat but that just hurts more when things come up on like social media.

What does one do? I know it’s best to keep the distance. But how is one supposed to just move on losing someone you once considered a sister? 😪

Have you ever just had so much going on all at the same time and you don’t know what to do? Have you ever had so many emotions at once you don’t even know what you’re really feeling? Have you ever had SO many people on the outside being so mean, hateful, and disrespectful it makes you just go silent?

Silence has been my go to lately. I’ve been hiding in silence. Whenever I start to feel like it’s to much I just shut down. I’m not proud of it and I am working on it. I’ve learned in therapy that it’s definitely a trauma response for me. Between my past trauma and my body not being able to take/process everything going on now, all I can do is be quiet.

I truly feel like I’m drowning in my emotions and I’m not sure how to fix it 😓

Ugh I know I’ve kind of disappeared but I’ve been so overwhelmed 😓 I’ve struggling with my mental health pretty bad.

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my grandmas death. She wasn’t just my grandma, she was my birthday twin, best friend and an important mother figure to me. So it was already a rough day before it got made worse.

Why is it that people can’t just mind their business and respect a child’s parents decisions!? If I don’t want to do something why can’t it just be left at that!? Making decisions for MY child causes some sort of argument or pisses someone off, it never fails.. Yes I know, our say is what matters, but SO MANY people feel they have a right to decisions that involve her as well.

I’m so tired of feeling like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I’m so tired of feeling like I have to kiss a** and put my feelings about my child aside to keep the peace. I’M TIRED OF FEELING LIKE I CANT SPEAK UP! All so I don’t make someone mad.

I will no longer be making others happy. I’m finally putting my foot down. After being disrespected time and time again, I won’t stand for it anymore! I will be returning the same amount of respect others give me, NONE.

This mama bear is angry and not putting up with the disrespect anymore.

Thank you for listening to me rant 😅 just getting it out is a huge relief!

I hope this makes someone realize that we don’t need to take disrespect anymore! We can stand up and speak up for ourselves! It shouldn’t matter who it makes mad! HOW WE FEEL MATTERS!! If they don’t like it, well don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya 🙃🤷🏼‍♀️

Yesterday was one of the hardest days in a long time!

Some days have been harder than others. But yesterday probably made the top of my list. I’ve been struggling with my insecurities so much that’s its been taking a toll on my relationship. It is absolutely not his fault, he’s been doing everything he can to make me feel better. I’ve just been so irritable that I get mad over the tiniest things and my first reaction is to yell.

Yesterday I had a pretty traumatic flashback of something that happened in my childhood that my mind pushed so deep I forgot. This flash back just came out of no where and ruined my entire day. THEN after I have this flashback my vape DISAPPEARED (found it stuck in the recliner hours later). I tore my entire house apart trying to find it. The longer I looked the mader I got.

Once I calmed down I felt so much guilt that it was just eating at me. I cried for like 4 hours straight. How can I reteach myself to react better so I dont experience this guilt? All I want is for Nova to have a happy loving childhood, which does not include seeing me react the way I did over such little things. Has anyone else experienced the struggle of trying to be better than your parents and feeling like you’re failing? Because same 😓😪

Why is it that other moms are so judgemental!

Never in my life did I think I’d hear half the things that I’ve been told. I won’t name names but someone who is in the family has actually said to me “wow you haven’t really lost any weight since the baby” mind you before Nova was born I got these comments from her “wow you’ve really put on the weight” OR “wow your legs have gotten big!” 🤬 WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE!? Especially when you’ve been through it?

So I let those comments fester for a while before I said anything to my boyfriend. He decided to talk to her about it (I wouldn’t have been nice if I did 😅). He told her how I’ve been struggling with with my weight and how I just feel about myself in general. This women actually says “oh I completely understand I felt like that after my 3 kids.” THEN WHY WOULD YOU SAY THOSE THINGS TO ME!? Not only has she said them to me in private buts she’s said them in front of 5+ people!

Do you have anyone that you have struggled with just being blatantly being rude ALL THE TIME? Let’s talk about it! 📢

Its becoming more common to see post partum posts, but I feel like there’s still an unspoken rule to not speak!

My daughter will be 5 months in 4 days. In other words, I am 5 months into learning who this person is. Yes. You read that right. Who is this person? What is this train yard of stretch marks? What is this lose skin? What is this weight gain? Who’s hair is this thats falling out and getting gray?😳 Who’s dry skin and hard to control acne is this? WHO IS THIS PERSON? I say all of these at least once a day.

YES YES YES, I know “your body grew your baby”. Telling me that truthfully makes me feel guilty that I feel the way I do. You can tell me all day long how great and beautiful I look. My problem is, is I don’t see it so it’s hard to believe it. No I’m not the same person on the inside. IM A MOM NOW. That literally means I’m a whole new person. I live for US now, not me.

I know I’m not the only one feeling or has felt like this and or experienced so many other parts of post partum. How do we get past it? Like truly love ourselves again? I’m longing for the day I feel love for myself again.